A new normal and a pile of paperwork.

Svata has been home from the hospital for 9 days. We are finally beginning to settle in to our normal routine. Or maybe in to what is to be our new "normal" routine. Now that the dust has settled and we have had time to ponder the weight of what we have just been through, I am beginning to realize that life will never be the same for us.
Although it wasn't really on a conscious level, I have always felt invincible. I have never even for a second felt the fear that life is short, or that something tragic might happen to me or to my family. I have always been optimistic and I have always had the undying belief that everything will be ok. It wasn't until I saw my husband lying there in pain crying out of sheer exhaustion that I first realized that maybe things aren't always going to be okay. It's really kind of sad to have to let go of that innocence.
Everyone keeps asking us how we are doing, and I keep saying that we are doing great, considering. My husband is having a hard time dealing with this whole thing. Coming to grips with our own mortality, and realizing that life is out of our control, are hard concepts to embrace. Understand, he is fine. Medically speaking, he will most likely make a complete recovery from this (assuming his vision restores itself). But he will never be the same. He lays down at night and panics, and ends up pacing the floor until the wee hours of morning or falling asleep upright at his computer. I've been reflecting on this whole new chapter of our life for a couple of days now and it's hard. Never again will I have that sense of security that I once had. Never again will I (and I know it was naive to begin with) assume that we will live forever in this peaceful and perfect little life.
On the bright side of this, though, is a new perspective. We have come to realize how much we really mean to each other and what really matters to our happiness. I have a renewed love for my husband (not that I didn't love him before, but maybe in the 9 years of day to day to day... I had forgotten how much I loved him) and a renewed appreciation for this life we have together.
And to my husband, in his words (while in the hospital, pumped full of who-knows-what) I say, "I know I don't say this very often, but I love you so much." (I asked him if he remembered saying that, and he claims that he does, so I'll take it as doctrine:)

And if you all are wondering what prompted this somewhat grim entry... I have been writing letters and filling out paper work all afternoon for financial assistance. Yeah, that's right, since my husband is currently unemployed we have no health insurance. Talk about some (bleep) for luck. We have had insurance our whole lives, and we have always been HEALTHY!!!! We received the first of what I'm sure will be many, many medical bills today (no rest for the weary, right?). A measly $48,000. Pocket change. Ok, maybe many pockets full of change. I'm pretty sure we will qualify for assistance and right now I can do nothing but laugh, because the alternative is to crawl into a cave or maybe fly off to Mexico and hide! Adiós amigos!